


The Noirette

by PBJellie



Category: South Park
Genre: Characters Reading Fanfiction, Crack, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 05:53:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13675581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PBJellie/pseuds/PBJellie
Summary: Craig and Tweek find Clyde reading something interesting on his phone.





	The Noirette

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rachhell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rachhell/gifts).



“Tweek scissored Craig's asshole in the shower as the noirrette squealed- Hey! I was reading that! You can't just take phones from people, Craig.” Clyde screeched as Craig held the phone close to his chest. 

“Ngh, what are you reading? Why do I have scissors? Scissors and showers would be dangerous, Gah!” Tweek pulled on his shirt as Craig's eyes grew wide. 

“Clyde, this is pornography. About your friends. Did you write this?” Craig asked, face flat. Tweek shrieked as Clyde took two steps back, arms out. 

“No, it's just on the net,” Clyde grabbed for his phone. 

“What is this?” Craig asked holding the phone high in the air. 

“A phone, dumb shit,” Tweek murmured.

“I fucking know that,” Craig pinched the bridge of his nose, “I fucking know that, thank you. I mean this story. Where you apparently, Jesus Christ, you fuck me with body wash?” 

“Nrg, that'd sting. We usually bareback it in the shower, no way man, no way I'd use soap on my dick.” 

“Oh my God,” Clyde squealed, blushing as he looked at his feet. “You two screw in the shower? I'll have to let the girls know. They'll be so excited!” 

“Goddamnit, Tweek, look what you made happen.” 

“Like, nnn, I knew that he had a boner for our sex life! He's the one always talking about Bebe and her vagina, or whatever. Where ever he puts it.”

Craig scrolled though the app on Clyde's phone, wondering why he took off without it.

“What the hell is ABO? Why is someone who goes by Steamie Nicks writing stories about us?” Craig asked, showing the phone to Tweek. He grabbed the phone, skimming through the story quickly. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, that's fucked up man, that's fucked up,” Tweek rambled, eyes wide as he continued reading. “Gah! Man, this is too much pressure, too much. A baby? What would we even do with a baby? No, you take this back, this is your, ngh, your mistake.” 

Craig returned to the app, scrolling through what appeared to be a thousand fictional retellings of their love life. Some boasted that they were romantic, others promising something called fluff. What even was fluff? The phone certainly wasn't soft. Sometimes, they'd advertise smut. Craig tapped, just to check.

“God,” Craig droned, rolling his eyes, then finding himself skimming the app again. Why was this so addicting? “What is a cuckold?” He wondered out loud. 

“No!” Tweek grabbed the phone out of his arms. “Not today, man, not today. We're not going there. Not without my, ngh, fucking coffee.” 

“You don't even drink that stuff anymore, the fuck?” 

“I have to say it, Craig. You don't understand. I have to drink coffee in these, it's like my essence. I cry like a bitch, man, a bitch, and then you are the god figure, it's some bullshit, Tucker. Goddamn, bullshit, ngh, conspiracy to ruin my fucking life,” Tweek ranted, throwing the phone on the ground, then stepping on it with his boot. 

“Tweek, honey, that was Clyde's phone,” Craig said as he picked up the shards from the ground. 

“Should have thought of that before he read fanficiton in public, man, should have thought.”

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday Rachhell. May your day go better than Clydes.


End file.
